The holiday was marred by mass homicides throughout the city. Victims were known to travel in groups, usually in green plastic baskets. These particular victims were last seen alive at the Liberty Village Farmer’s Market at approximately 10:35am where witnesses saw them leave the vicinity in the company of a red-headed woman dressed in black and wearing cat’s eye glasses who mumbled to them about pie.
Crime scene specialists have traced splatter patterns which indicate the use of a specially-designed weapon commonly known as a cherry-pitter. This device forces through the flesh removing the victim’s organs in one fell swoop.
This was no amateur spree, but a pre-conceived mass murder by a professional killer. Officials fear a “Jack the Ripper” type maniac may be on the loose, and have grave concerns about copy-cat killings, but warn the public against approaching anyone carrying baskets of cherries as they may be armed and dangerous.
The suspect is widely known as the “Pie Lady”, although she reportedly has a fondness for cake, cookies and fudge as well. She appears to have been concerned about time while committing her most recent rash of murders as she did not follow her usual modus operandi of placing her victim’s bodies between two sheets of pastry, but rather tossed them haphazardly into a shallow grave where their remains were combined with those of raspberries and strawberries. The suspect attempted to cover the carcasses with a layer of softly whipped cream.
Police fear the suspect maybe be holding additional victims hostage with plans to murder them at a later date.
Members of the public are being asked to contact 51 Division if they witness any further stone fruit carnage or if they have any additional information about the Pie Lady or her victims.