For the sake of full transparency, I feel compelled to offer the fact that I have not consumed a pre-mixed bottled beverage since my 19th birthday. Someone had the bright idea that we should all have our own 2-litre bottle of kiwi cooler (which we pronounced “kewwwwwllerrr” for some reason) to celebrate my coming of age. After passing out halfway through my own birthday party, I awoke to discover that, like the fuzzy navel before it, kiwi cooler was dead to me.
Which was probably a good thing, and which I did not lament. It was 1987 and we worshipped the Absolut bottle like the good little clubkids that we were.
As the years passed, I watched the “party zone” section of the LCBO grow in size. The colours got brighter, the flavour combinations more unique, and I noted the advent of bottled mixed drinks such as rum and cola with a nod to a good idea but no interest in actually buying or drinking such a thing.