Salad Days

People should not throw wedding receptions on Daylight Saving Time switch overs. Or at least not the day after. We went to a wedding reception last night and stayed out far too late and drank far too much. There were drink tickets and the G&T’s were being made with premium gin and an 8 to 1 ratio of G to T. There was much dancing and eating of cake and sushi, not to mention the spitting out of little tiny quiche upon the discovery of the bacon contained therein.

This morning, after little sleep, combined with too much booze and too much dancing (there’s nothing like a gay wedding for good tunes on the dancefloor), I’m feeling a bit rough around the edges.

Ever since I can remember, a hangover demands a salad. My body just wants something fresh and crisp and cold. I have the makings of an excellent salad in the kitchen, of course, but moving from a reclining to a standing position causes me to emit loud “Urrrnnnnggghhh!” noises reminiscent of Lurch from the Addams family.

The quick lunch choices in our immediate vicinity are few. Two burger joints, two sub places and a roti place which, while I typically adore the roti place, didn’t sit well in my brain today.

We opted for subs, assuming we could get a passable salad.

This is what I want to know – why do all salads have meat in them now? Sure, there have always been salads that contained meat; cobb salad, chef’s salad, chicken salad… But there used to be a time when you could just get a decent green (or house) salad and you knew to expect some lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber and maybe something fancy like some grated carrots or some sliced olives. Subway doesn’t make a salad without a protein accompaniment. Even the “veggie delite” contains strips of the soy veggie patty they use for their veggie delite sub. Quiznos is the same.

In looking up other fast food places on the Intarwebs, it appears that Wendy’s does actually offer a meatless side salad, but all of their gourmet salads contain meat. Same for MacDonald’s.

When did this happen? Why is there no option for just a big fresh green salad? Why must every damn thing include a dead animal in it? Even the healthy stuff like salads aren’t safe from the hunks of chicken. I blame this on the carb-counting freaks who wanted the fixin’s of a sub, without the bread. What about those of us who want the fixin’s of a salad, without the meat?

I guess later I’ll have to stifle my moans and yawns and drag myself into the kitchen to make a decent salad. A nice BIG salad, Elaine Benes-style. Apparently no fast food chain wants to sell me one.