Detox Day 2 – Stop Eating My Balls!

I understand now why people doing detox for drugs and alcohol get sent off to be locked up and monitored 24/7. It’s not because they might cheat, it’s not because they might hurt themselves or others. No, it’s totally to keep other people with the good shit away from them. Because there’s nothing worse than trying to break your crack habit when everyone around you has a big ol’ pipe hanging out of their mouths.

A food detox is even worse because you can’t go cold turkey and neither can anyone else. You’ve got to eat and so do the folks around you. And they just might choose to eat a big plate of cheese and crackers washed down with a tasty glass of beer, all while you sit in the corner gnawing on an apple that turns out to be half-rotten. And then, the travesty of all travesties, they take the one sweet treat you’ve made for yourself so you won’t go insane, and eat those too!

I love my husband, I really do. He’s been supportive of me in every way, no matter what cockamamie idea I come up with, no matter what scheme I develop. He is down with the detox diet, just as long as I continue to make him tasty food. Now, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, we eat a pretty healthy diet for the most part, so the detox meals I’ve been serving up so far are not rare or unusual. So far, hubby is happy. However, he has the option of eating additional foods, or non-detox foods, whereas I don’t, at least while I’m working on this experiment. Which is why when I found him with his grubby little hand in the container of date and coconut balls this morning, I went a little ballistic. That’s my only source of sugar, yo. I have willingly given up cupcakes, candy and chocolate – unless I start mainlining maple syrup, all I’ve got are those little balls of ground-up dried fruit. Yes, they are tasty and healthy and we should have some in the house all the time, I agree. But those ones, right there, those fuckers are MINE.

Here’s what I’ve eaten so far…Monday

rice pudding made with brown rice, vanilla soy milk and honey
mixed berries (unsweetened)
green tea with honey
apple juice

“sushi salad”: brown rice surrounded by mixed greens with tomato, avocado, cucumber, alfalfa sprouts and half a can of salmon, topped with a sesame-orange dressing and gomasio

green tea with honey
4 date and coconut balls
1 cup grapes
carrot sticks with hummus

Quinoa and millet pilaf
green salad
grilled portobellos (olive oil and balsamic vinegar)

many date and coconut balls
1/2 an apple


patties made from leftover quinoa and millet pilaf with salsa verde
1/4 muskmelon and berries
green tea with honey
green spirulina juice

1-1/2 cups brown rice topped with spinach, shitake mushrooms and tofu sauted in a sesame and soy sauce
miso soup

Not bad so far. I’ve gotten in about an hour of exercise each day, and for the curious, I’m taking a basic multivitamin, about 1500mg of calcium and acidolpholous each day. I’m actually enjoying the challenge of coming up with meals I can eat, although we’ve been finding that they don’t have a lot of long-term satiation. That is, both Greg and I are hungry an hour or so after each meal.

I’m not experiencing any of the “detox signs” I was warned about, at least not yet. I don’t feel sick, have chills or headaches, nor am I feeling any kind of lethargy. I’m also not feeling that euphoric burst of energy that most food detoxers rave about. Maybe it will take a few more days, but I’m almost not expecting it to happen; either because the descriptions are overblown or because my diet just wasn’t bad enough that my body will notice a difference.

Questions and comments are welcome, so please distract me from the date balls.