Step Away From the Yarn! I Repeat, Step Away From the Yarn!


Alright hipsters, enough is enough. I don’t care if it’s art. I don’t care if it’s all adorably cute… y’all really need to stop with the crocheting/knitting of unnecessary items and find a new hobby.

I get it. When you first learn a craft, especially a yarn craft, you’re so excited to make things that you soon have a plethora of scarves, mittens and sweaters. And probably blankets. More than you could ever need. And after you’ve gifted everyone you know with knitted goods, after you’ve yarn-bombed entire parks (for the love of all that is holy, people, stop putting sweaters on trees!), and you still just can’t stop knitting, even though every stitch sends a burning twitch up your arm because you’ve given yourself carpal tunnel syndrome… you think to yourself, why not? Why NOT crochet shorts for men? Or an entire kitchen? Or massive food-shaped headgear? Look at you, you’re like a twee hipster version of Madame DuFarge.


Okay, to be fair, the food-shaped headgear by Australian artist Phil Ferguson is pretty funny. A self-taught crocheter, Ferguson makes massive pieces in the shape of pizza, chicken drumsticks, ice cream and more.  Although it might help if he didn’t look completely miserable in each photo.

Photo credit: ABC Southern Qld: Peter Gunders
Photo credit: ABC Southern Qld: Peter Gunders

And I’ll also give props to the 50 artists who crocheted and knit an entire kitchen as part of an art installation in Queensland Australia (seriously, Aussies… is it because you have so many sheep?). This is pretty adorable and on par with the felted pop-up shop that ran last year in London called The CornerShop where artist Lucy Sparrow recreated an entire corner store out of felt.

But I don’t know if I can forgive the shorts by Lord von Schmitt. I take (slight) refuge in the idea that these are old afghan blankets cut and sewn into shorts and pants, as opposed to someone intentionally crocheting a pair of shorts, which would just be horrific to even consider. (Yeah, I know, I’m not sure why using old blankets is less horrific, I can’t explain it.) But it cannot be overlooked that these are still shorts – for dudes – that are crocheted. While I applaud your creative and enterprising spirit, it still burns my eyes (and a bit of my soul) to look at it. (There are more items on the Etsy site. For the gals too, if you’re inclined to wear a polyester knit jumpsuit.)

Still, people… can we cut back on the yarn for a bit? It’s getting a bit much, you know. Have you any idea what Phentex is made of?

More info and images via sourced articles at Beautiful Decay and Dangerous Minds.